Happiness Is a Byproduct

There’s something precious about two people making vows to their spouse to love, cherish, and put their needs above their own. What we miss is how difficult this commitment really is. It doesn’t feel that way when we are lovestruck and taking our first steps into marriage, but over time, loving someone more than ourselves is hard.

Love, at its core, is not an emotion that comes and goes. We do not fall in and out of love. That’s the culture’s language. Love is a choice. Love is deciding to cherish and sacrifice for someone else. C.S. Lewis said, “Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person’s ultimate good as far as it can be obtained.” 

Apart from divine help, true love is impossible. True and sacrificial love comes first through our substitute and our example. I sincerely hope that you believe that you are so loved that the perfect Creator saved you through the sacrificial death and resurrection of His only Son to adopt you into His family through the forgiveness of all your sins. 

Your debt was paid by the One you owe through His grace. John 15:13 says, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” No one has ever loved you as much as Jesus, who gave His life to rescue you for Himself.

The Bible calls Him the bridegroom of the Church, His people. That’s why a wedding is such a beautiful picture. Sacrificial love has brought us into God’s kingdom through our union with Christ. John Piper said, “The divine reality hidden in the metaphor of marriage is that God ordained a permanent union between His Son and the church. Human marriage is the earthly image of this divine plan.” 

The revivalist George Whitfield use to describe coming into the faith as “marrying our souls to the Lord Jesus Christ.” Marriage is given to us by God, and it was His creation, because it is the metaphor for His love and the tying of a bond that is not just a lifetime, but for all eternity. 

Our Bridegroom gave His life for us, so that you and I can lay down our lives for Him in love. So now we too can joyfully sacrifice for others in love. Yes, our spouses, but even the stranger on the street. That’s how powerful love is. If God can love us, by His grace, you and I can model that love, especially to our spouse whom we have committed to God to love.

Marriage brings so much happiness, but that’s not its primary purpose. God is teaching me to love Him and others through committing to another person, and growing me. Tim Keller said, “If we want to be happy in marriage, we will accept that marriage is designed to make us holy, not happy. Happiness is a byproduct.” 

Words fail to describe how God chips away the sin and selfishness in us in marriage, as He is shaping us to be more like Him; but thank God, He is. God, teach us to love by looking to you, following your example, and shape us to be people of sacrificial love. 

P.S. Jessica, I love you.